Night Swimming

and other thoughts on doom and hope

Been swimming in the dark lately, metaphorically. Though, I did just buy a dive flashlight to hit the San Marcos River after 9:30 pm because word on the street is you can see beavers and otters down there. So yes, there is night swimming in the cards, but that’s not the loop my brain has been on. I haven’t wanted to write as the optimism meter has been running low. Seems like everywhere I look, I see students having mini nervous breakdowns. I’m not too privy to everyone’s personal lives, but when the rollercoasters around you are that rampant, it doesn't seem like an isolated event. I’m speculating, but barring massive personal life drama, I’m guessing it is one of the following. (To combat these overwhelming feelings of woe, I am following each of these negative thoughts up with some food for thought on the hope that still lingers.)

The political climate: The downside. The war (s). The elevated cost of living. Social justice or the lack thereof. The long slog to autocracy. The upside: There’s a march on Saturday. Get walking friends. Who knows if these help, but it’s better than doom scrolling. Speaking of…

Cell phone/Social media: The downside. Riding the bus and watching a few dozen students, not interacting. Their heads down, sitting on their devices, no active attempts to interact with the actual human beings around them. I’m actively trying to cut all social media for the most part, as I’m addicted just as much as anyone. Trying only to engage on my iPad, rather than my phone. The algorithm is so tight, I almost can’t go on Instagram without buying something that is exactly what I want/need. The upside: I know these lawsuits against Meta and the like are small potatoes, but I hope they are the beginning of something larger. It’s nuts that conservatives are wasting time protecting kids from LGBTQ+ books and drag brunches and hardly existent Trans athletes, when everyone is one search away from XXX content, a betting addiction, and a bevy of child predators. Where is Tipper Gore when you need her!?!

AI: The downside. Having to actively fight students to write from their own minds. Watching these young people who know that the jobs that wait out there for them with be few and far between, the rest snapped up by machines and programs. A friend was telling me that he thought for sure universal wages were on the horizon. I guess we’ll be attached to VR machine’s like in Ready Player One, on the dole, just surviving to survive. The upside. More than ever the only way these young people will be able to make it in the world beyond of being a cog in the wheel, will be to create something for themselves outside of the corporate landscape.

Critical thinking and the use of mind: The downside. The idea that we are never bored scares the shit out of me, especially in terms of trying to be creative. There is no creativity without boredom. Period. The upside. Human brains are all-healing. It doesn’t take much disengagement from the online hordes to get your brain right again. We are resilient. You can always make something, read, walk, hug, love, talk, get out in nature, and learn, learn, learn. It’s always there, just out of the fog.

Depressed yet? I hope not, but I have to imagine these are the types of things that are leading students down the path of anxiety and spiraling imaginations. But these are also the ways out again. Don’t just consume. Create in every single way you can. Art. Conversation. Helping. Make something happen. You always can.

So, if you see me floating down the river at midnight this weekend, chasing down a river mammal, say hi. I’ll be out there, searching for hope in the water and in the dark or anywhere else I can get it.