Occupied, Distracted, and Consumed
Who's up for a game of catch?
I only schedule an hour a week to write these Tuesday posts, and usually, by today, I have a kernel of an idea that I go with at the last minute. Yesterday, I knew not only what the kernel was, but more than a morsel; it was a fully fleshed-out idea. Thanks to my post menopausal brain, I can’t for the life of me remember what it was. For someone with an already distractable mind, distractions are at an all-time high.
My husband was scolding me for looking at my phone all the time, and I explained to him that on any given day, I have about 20-something separate text conversations going. Add to that emails, social media, school, work, Netflix, bill paying, shopping, real face-to-face human interaction, sick and elderly relatives, children, and the never-ending onslaught of horrible news; you have to actively find time to be alone with yourself. And I am one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to worry about all the other stuff like where my next meal/ rent/ job/ medication is coming from.
I have a text chain with a group of like-minded women where we usually share action items like ways to contact the Texas Senate Education Committee to oppose SB 2 or support immigrants in an anti-immigrant environment or advocate for those in law enforcement who haven’t lost their minds. Many of the friends on that text chain have gone silent because it’s all just too much, and I get that. Sharing news becomes overwhelming when there is just too much of it to track, and it’s all disheartening.
One friend on the chain forwarded a list of action items, one of which was to build community. Now, I am one of those people everyone thinks is super gregarious and social but spends a month planning a party, only to hide in the kitchen washing dishes all night. I literally have to force myself to participate, but I do because I know it’s the right thing. I hem and haw and worry and feel insecure, but always, at the end of the day, I end up having the best time of all. I need people, even if I don’t want to admit it. The subtext of the build community action item was this. Remember: They want you scattered. Your focus is resistance. And as much as they want us scattered, they want us stupid.
Social media is meant to keep you occupied, distracted, and consuming. Yet, it is also a real source of connection. The artist and children’s book author Carson Ellison wrote/drew a compelling piece this week on struggling with Instagram, one I can thoroughly relate to. I delete and redownload the damned thing several times a day.
So the question is, how do we disconnect without losing connection?
I have no idea from a sociological perspective, but for me, it is making things. Bowls. Quilts. It’s reading. Writing. Taking in information. Learning things. Participating in the world outside of the online. Using my hands. Going to college, pottery or quilting class, gathering friends. Sometimes, watching The Great British Bake Off reminds us that people are kind at heart for an hour (or five if you are really down in the dumps and need to binge).
I know there are professors at my university who are beyond disheartened and feel like they are pushing a boulder up an endless hill from which only a select group of people can benefit. But education matters… and getting it into the hands of as many people as possible matters. The less you know, the less you will care about other people and the world. The more we get out of our bubbles and talk to others and participate in life, the better off we will be.
I still don’t remember my original kernel, but in photography class last week, the professor had us all go outside and take portraits of each other. He’d just gotten a medium-format Hasselblad and wanted to try it out. As soon as we hit the open air, all the students began talking and laughing. They were learning how to use the camera, experimenting with poses. The sun was out, and life was all around us. Someone went to their car and got a ball and a mitt, and soon, an impromptu game was going on.
The teacher was thrilled. “I’ve been wanting to play a game of catch for like 20 years.”
My advice. Next time, don’t wait so long.
Before social media like FB you knew fewer people but you knew them better, you had access to less information so you were less likely to be badly informed and you could be truly alone. I miss that and the realization that there were still secret and undiscovered places in the world. Life today is like studying an ant using a magnifying glass in the sun then being surprised that it bursts into flame.